Saturday, March 27, 2010


It is nights like last night that make me grateful I have Mike.
It was 330 and I woke up with what felt like a sinus headache.  Well it got worse and worse until the pain was at a 7 and it was coming in waves and showing no sign of stopping. Mike fed me a zofran bc the pain was making me nauseus and 1000 mg tylenol and one single percocet.  I felt like SHIT!!!! And AImee is here.  I considered going to the hospital but it would just be a bunch of waiting and getting poked and then them giving me morphine and sending me on my way.  So we looked at the book that stephanie gave us and decided to wait it out.  Mike had to put me in the sleep trap and let me be alone bc I was thrashing around the bed like a wet dog.
I mean it was all over the right side then it settled behing my eye and it came in crashing waves. Once one was done I would brace myself for another and surely as the sun will rise it came This went on for about and hour before I fell into an exhausted sleep.  I will tell a doctor maybe they can tell me what it was.

Friday, March 26, 2010

so excited!!!!

This wknd the agenda is:  dancing  and painting with Aimee Noth.  Mike said we could paint the creative room!!! SO we are going to home depot to get supplies, then we are going to have a painting party.  I haven't had one ever before; so this should be interesting.

Prayers for Amber Joy Schemerhorn  (AA left lobe came back she has a 10 yr old son)  5 yrs clean.   Her blog is connected for all to read.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

That ol' cliche'

You know how people say "I need a vacation from my vacation...."
I am back in Dallas fresh of the boat from Ga. While I was there I saw a whole mess of family, too many to name.  But I ate well courtesy of my aunt Beths wonderful cooking.  My favorite part was the boat ride...even though it WORE me out.
It was a delight to meet Stephanie (My cousin with BT on the right FLobes') wife. I don't know if I explained that properly.

And of course saw Dad&Fran, Grandaddy, Aunt Mardi, Aunt Cheryl, Uncle Keith, Aunt Bobanne, Uncle Charlie and cousin Garner and his wife....
Saw a bunch of pictures.  Figured out I like to garden and paint.  Gardening is more when I am frustrated task though.  Whereas painting is peaceful. 

I came home One day early b/c I was out of my Keppra (seizure control meds).  I was worried about the cabin pressure in the plane triggering a seizure,  Thank GOD that did not happen.  I would not only be in pain, but I'd be trapped in this house for ANOTHER 6 Months.  Treatment I can take, being caged is not.  I want to be a functional part of this relationship.  April 21....just a few more weeks.

Aimee Noth is coming into town as my last vacation guest before I start my oral chemo.   Lets see I want to go dancing on Friday.   Then paint the rest of the wknd, relax, enjoy each others company. 

Alexander the Great (Beths' 88 lb 10 month old "puppy") was hurt on his back leg from running right in front of the golf cart (He won't do that again) then got his paw stuck in the locked screen door and scared all of us.  It must have been a sight to see 3 people sprinting for a dog that was crying.  It was my and Alexs' fault I locked the door and he was chasing a cat, so technically he learned an albeit painful lesson but one he won't forget.

Oh yeah I figured out here I developed a taste for meat, egg, cheese, breakfast sandwiches...Uncle Keith.

Came back and the house is a wreck, the maids are worthless and we pay them $140 to come 2x a month.  I want to let them go and pocket the cash but Mike disagrees.  I acquiese, when I am tired they are useful.  Though it doesn't help that I am  a psycho neatnick now after the operation.  If I were able to drive I would go to the store and get all sorts of cleaning supplies.

"That's all I got, How'd you like that?" (Kelli Rasberry; Kidd Kraddick morning radio show)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

deep thoughts

life is a phase of existence and we (our energy) exist forever.  It is a law  Newtons 3rd law "Energy can neither be created nor destroyed."  Therefore we not our synapses that stop firing upon "death" Move on into another energy form. 
This is the part where it is important. Whether you camoe back immediately in like five seconds is not up to you it is up to your actions in this life. karma is a Rotten Bitch I once wished death upon another person and now I ve got brain cancer and I KNOW  i am mortal. 

SOuls are immortal and a particular soul can follow a person around They are guardian angels.  I will be Mikes guardian angel or he will be mine.   I firmly believe that my soul and my sisters soul have had a close relationship before and we are not soulmates but more like our souls enjoy each others company.  My soul has found Mikes' soul before we will travel together for as long as this ride goes on.

"That's all I got, How'd you like that!" (Kelli Rasberry (Kidd Kraddick morning show))

absent minded ramblings of a dain bramaged chicky doodle

ugh the wants, not needs,  but wants.  I have to wonder if this is just a phase or will I be artsy like this from now on.  Hell, They fried my brain Like an egg....we will see what happens.  I have a chemo lesson In a couple hours.  I am supposed to be there at 1145.  I can never draw that little cube. 

I think my fine motor skills have gone poof. I can name SOOOO many many things that I could not physically do. doctor lawyer pple may not even take me seriously as a social worker.  I don't want to volunteer, I want to contribute, not be Mikes "burden". Sell my art?  is the only thing I can think of to do but the art supplies are so expensive and it could just be a phase.  SOmething is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for it (quoting fran...i think)  And that could be good..for me.

I just mix colors around and am experimenting, I am letting my art evolve on its own.  Then I can look back in 20 years and say Look at that..........

artsy and vacay

Hello all,

Our dog Sashsa has begun nipping us  uhoh.  Hubby shaved and then asked for praise.  If you want to see my creative outlet go to my facebook page.

Tomorrow I am flying to south carolina where it is supposed to be a "relaxing" time.  But here is the reality I have BRAIN cancer and am in the early stage of treatment the prognosis is good but people associate cancer=death.

Grandaddy is 92 yrs old and his wife died recently also My cousin died while I was in treatment and I havent seen their graves. care and grave seeing, such is life with a huge family.  my aunt is laid up after her hip replacement so there is another relative down.

remember brain cancer KILLS.  but I have an appt with Dr Fink today at 1145

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

realizations Or epiphany, if you will....

I* feel my brain going all creative on me.  I realize now. that I hate television.  Even  the shows I watch I am sick of them.  So I created a room today.  Pics are on fb.  

Teresa go look at them and tell me how wonderful I am doing.  Make sure oliver and david see them too.

Dogs are good company to keep, peaceful, playful, but above all peace. 

Which brings me to HOW I am Feeling:

Word of the day:

creative outlet? FOUND IT!!!

I made a pseudo studio for the arts.  I am not into crafts but I listen to music and paint I like top call it expressing free painting.  I am not ever going to make any money off them But I do enjoy them.  I refound my LOVE LOVE LOVE of dancing.  That is originally how I knew I needed to go see a doctor...I lost my stamina for dancing.  That and the getting nauseus at work and vomiting on the ground outside a clients house.  ewwwww

I hung my radiotherapy mask up as a testament for all I have come through.
I hang scarfs on it and dance with the scarfs.  Right side, uncoordinated?  NONONO!!!!! I am as coordinated as ever and I think I gained more moves.  thank you for the upgrades DR Lang.  Dr Fink I am depending on you bc I trust you.  Gaining muscle due to belly dancing alone in my house ALL DAY.   I had a kicking tummy before cancer now I want it back.
Amber we love you so much and we are all behind you to kick that spider out of your head!

Monday, March 8, 2010

creative outlet

So I am trying to figure myself out....after the lobe was removed (excuse me, tumor in the frontal left lobe to be exact).

I have nothing to do and cannot drive so I clean to Valaries standards.  I mean Miike came home and the kitchen is spotless.  And he said I could "paint the tape in the storage room".   Wild and wicked right.  So I am wondering if I will follow through on this or go flat.  I don't know. 

Does anyone know how acrylic paint works?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

To a person that has all my respect.

Thank you, not only For forgiving me but the things you taught me. It has kept me struggling at the worst of times when I just wanted to give up hope.  Another person recently came into my life that deserves acknowledgment as well.  Jackie from Jamba Juice.  Coming back fro from radiation (where I collapsed with very low blood pressure I had not eaten anything in a week) Dr Nedzi said to me you are wasting away, now it is your JOB to eat.
Mike pushed to go to JJ and I got a peanut butter smoothie (1500 calories)
Gradually my sense of smell started coming back and my sense of taste.  Yup you lose all that with radiation to the brain..yikes.
I cannot thank Mike enough for getting me through this first hurdle.  It feels like every day is Russian roulette will I wake up feeling good or nasty.

That is why I wanted to thank you.  I go into the spa that I filled with candles every morning and soak in a warm tub and listen to Enya.  So thank you. I will always love you thank you for forgiving me. I will not ever see you again but you taught me many life lessons and I am glad I had you in my life at some point.

Friday, March 5, 2010

feeling normal

 feel great!!!!! Unfortunately  an noticing some major personality changes, for the good.  I am now a neat freak Now I don't know if that is just causeI am stuck in the house and bored, but I find pleasure in cleaning.  Keeping an immaculate house keeps the chaos from creeping in.

Scans look good I get the monthe of March off I have a temodor lesson on the 18, at 1 oclock. Then I am going to SC to see my Aunt and Uncle then Keith is gonna fly us out to see my 93 yr old grandaddy whose wife died while I was in treatment.  Also I am going to see my cousins grave who also died while I was in treatmeant.  22 what a waste....

Thats all for now.  Feel free to call to alleviate my boredom.

BTW this house is Frans' Valaries' Connie vaugnhs' and last but most certainly  Marriannes' dream clean.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Lambert the sheepish lion

one of my favorites

now I get it

I hve it so good with all of the support and march is break time/spring cleanin. I know that chaos in your house begets chaos in you life And i understand the tendancey for everything to reach for chaos.

But I am keeping the house clean myself and am learning.

Monday, March 1, 2010

listening to :
rain: Hey, Soul Sister

Heeey, Heeeeey, Heeeeeey.

Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brains,
I knew I wouldn't forget ya, and so I went and let you blow my mind.

Your sweet moon-beam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream.
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided,
Who's one of my kind.

Hey, Soul Sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey, Soul Sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you dooooo...

Heeey Heeeeey Heeeeeey...

Just in time, I´m so glad you have a one-track mind like me.
You gave my life direction,
A game show love connection, we can't deny...

I´m so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest.
I believe in you, like a virgin you're Madonna,
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind...

Hey, Soul Sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey, Soul Sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you dooooo...

Way you can cut a rug,
Watching you's the only drug I need.
So gangster, I'm so thug,
You're the only one I'm dreaming of you see.
I can be myself now finally,
In fact there's nothing I can't be,
I want the world to see you be, with me,

Hey, Soul Sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey, Soul Sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight...

Hey, Soul Sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you dooooo...
Heeey, Heeeeey, Heeeeeey, tonight.
Heeey, Heeeeey, Heeeeeey.

Now if I did that right you should recognize it if you don't it train and it is catchy  the lyrics the way you can cut a rug lalala

happy happy hAPPY !!!!!

how in love am I?

Well lets see Mike is the one consistent that has made this tolerable.  Through All the treatments and alls the necessary and unnecessary ER visits, through it all; he NEVER ONCE left my side.  Thank you mike, my husband my love of my life, which thanks to you I will continue living and loving you.