trauma

James my cousin is dead.  He was 22.  He sent me a msg 11 days ago.  Thye found him dead this am.  he was my favorite cousin.   he deleted me from his fb and myspace friends.  I don't know why. 

The age old question of brain vs breast. Not in that way boys

Radiation was a bisnatch today. My hair all just up and left my head yesterday.  I mean it was like a mass exodus of hair.

Soapbox:
One day a YEAR 1 DAY A YEAR goes to brain tumor awareness.
Breast Cancer gets a whole month. this sux.
Brain cancer is what all cancer patients die of. It slowly metastisizes to the BRAIN. That is what kills all cancer patients, mine just started in the brain.  So I am ahead of the game.

I want you to think about something today and ask others "CANCER"
what comes to mind?
for me 1.death 2.breast 3.I have it in the brain and still I'm thinking clearly and I am mad.

Is anyone reading this?
ICDI.  "I CAN DO IT"

aejordan23@gmail.com

oops it fell out

As with many cancer ridden people I am now going through "the hair loss stage"  If someone has been through this before "my entire mohawk just fell out and then I "pulled" the rest out what is funny is it didn't give any resistance to being pulled out. BAM in my hand
Don't worry Ms.Spratlin, I gave it all to the birds for their nests. Sprat cat would be proud of me. RIP (cervical turned overian cancer)

We've come this far...

Well, I am PROUD OF MYSELF!!!! In my family  my mothers side is riddled with cancer and they are taking it 5 steps farther.  They are getting in touch with My grandmammas relatives.

I AM PART OF THE CURE!!!!!!

what have you done today?  I am not accusing, just asking what have you done today?  what do you stand for?

Now that that is done,  A very wise woman once told me "You can do it you can do it you can do it you can do it you can do it!"" I say that to myself every morning.

The radiation is a bisnatch it hurts it makes me tired and I have 20 days left.  The nauseation is bad too but I am rockin through it I got my blood drawn today to check the dilantin lvl.  since fink has me tapering off it I am on 100 mgs a day
I need to call her and ask what I am supposed to do with the keppra bumping it up to 1500 instead of 1000
a day.

what else? well I caused us to miss a party this weekend and every day feels like a month. i am watching Americas Next Top MOdel (I promised myself I would not get addicted)  DAMN IT !!!!!!

Bravo rox when it comes to reality shows.

ANyway I will keep telling myself "YCDI" and keep counting down the days and I will keep you informed.

Oh How I wish I could do retail therapy

I miss work.....Hi connie pruitt, chip larry katherine debra

20 hrs of sleep will rejuvinate you with tylenol extra strength

So I am feeling way way way better. If I had had tylenol xtra strentgth it woulnot have gotten so bad.  but Indy ate the pill bottle cap. 
Just watched himym and now watching greys anatomy,  vamp diaries. and all the other recorded shows in the past week. 
Good god I feel better!!!! Just 2 tylenol xtra strength just cleared it up.   we should have gone to cvs or wal mart but nooooo we had to dr nedzi tell us to restock.  BC I couldnot remember to get it or tell anyone that I needed it.  It works without making me drowsy.

radiation drs and sleeping

ok so the title is all i did yeaterday. I slept 9-5 am-am 20 hours. 
I woke up with intense pain and nausea (so nauseous I couldn't drink my ensure.)  Then went to rADIation head exploded with pain when i bent down just getting my head below my heart and it shot to a 7 on the pain scale.  I could be a 2 on the pain scale and if I bent down bam7 ouchy yawsa.   dr fink was good I don't remember anything except Paul asked a question and th dr wanted to put an IV in me I refused and told her I was Nauseous Not vomiting I was holding down water.  lets see how today goes....

give in

giving up sounds pretty damn good right now. I destroyed my relationship with my sister and she is a flake and a guilter, i have 2 problems her and cancer.  I don't want to call anyone and the one person I did call didn't pick up his phone...Hows that for a giant kick in the gnads, when you're down already.

I can't find wicked cd for the broadway musical I have been to entertainmart, movie trading co., target (did not pick up the phone), called walmart, half price books and best buy all of them are out of this particular cd.

It seems like the end of the world nothing is going right and on top of that the radiology peopl don't give 2 shits as to whether I live or die I bet they wouldn't even miss me if I stopped going.  I mean thay are just there to get a paycheck, pumping peopl full of radiation torture is simply a perk.

Oh yeah and I have to go to karen fink tomorrow.  Oh Joy!!! I pissed her off and she told me not to call about every little thing well fine I won't call...ever.

I am sad and helpless because I cannot drive and I have a big hateful bug in my head that is fighting with me for this body.

good god!

I hate having cancer. not only is my life in danger But my marriage is in danger too. And they cant get their ass straight on the scheduling and it is screwing me up. I don't know what this means but I don't feel well I just kind of ripped the secretary a new one.  And this is ruining my life. The only thing left to do is give up... and I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!!
whaaaaa whaaaa whaaa...ok I'm done. Time to move on. Time to get my heal on. I WILL RECOVER!!!

Those people at the radiation clinic really don't think I will recover, that is the aura they give off.
Fuck you!!!!Radiation people.  they are not malicious but they are irresponsible and they are treating the disease, not me.  That in my book, is the worst thing you can do.  Ignore the patient treat the disease.  ThAT IS CRAP!!!!

this is my vent site and if any of you have any suggestions, feel free to chime in. That is why I am posting this publicly.

Frustrations with radiation

omg my radiation "team" is so frustrating. They call this morning 7am to tell me the machine is broken and there is no one to fix it. Then they call at 745 saying the machine is fixed where are you? My husband, being the uber patient man that he is, Lost his patience.  That alone should tell you something.   I called them back, That should tell you something too if you know how I am. I told them, forcefully, "our schedule is set in stone my husband will lose his job If this schedule is changed." and he will, they have been ver lenient on us up to this point but as I said yesterday "the goodwill is about to run out"
I am currently waiting for a call back.

Our situation has very little wiggle room. So I am going to tell them ( as nice as I can muster) "If the machine is broken we will come in anyway and wait until we have got to leave. If I miss a treatment bc the machine is not working properly so be it"

Mike has to be @ work @ WORK @ 9am!!! not a minute later.  I am trying to take some of this on. Take the stress off of Mike. That is my job. To take care of him as he takes care of me.

Teresa is working with me on "exaggerating" so all of the above is gods honest true.

We are going to go tnt at 7 and hope there is someone there to work the equipment.  That is the best we can do at this pt. If I miss it so be it.

update

So what do you know?
I have several docs dr gerhardt, dr.gilbert, dr. fink. and dr nedzi. All doing various thigs and I am the only common link between them. All in all my head hurts and I am fatigued and the drs appts are DRIVING ME UP THE WALL!!!! 
I would like to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers and for those of you whu have physically helped thenk you especially.
For the pick ups and drop offs it takes a very special person to deal with my own personl brand of crazy.
I have an MRI scheduled this afternoon. I am just starting my second week of radiation.

We will continue to ask for help so mike doesn't put his job in jeopardy.   So if you want to volunteer be it taking me to the doc/picking me Pick ups and drop offs are all we need right now, up send Mike an email

Oh yeah my therapists.. Teresa for speech Oliver for Occupational and David for physical.
I will get worse before I get better. We just have to have faith.
AJG

cancer stats

There are many types of cancer out there and if you have it you know or need to know that caancer causes 13% of all human death per year.

Brain is acounted for one of THE most terminal cancer of all time. But if you look on the stats Breast cancer gets all the awareness what happens to brain cancer pts well, we DIE WITH NO RECOGNITION!!! Thats not fair.

In this chart
Cancer Type                   Estimated New Cases                    Deaths

Bladder                      70,980                                      14,330

Breast (Female - Male) 192,370 - 1,910                         40,170 - 440

Colon and Rectal (Combined)146,970                             49,920

Endometrial                 42,160                                       7,780

Kidney (Renal Cell) Cancer 49,096                                    11,033

Leukemia (All)                44,790                                21,870

Lung (Including Bronchus)219,440                                     159,390

Melanoma                         68,720                                  8,650

Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma    65,980                                   19,500

Pancreatic                       42,470                                    35,240

Prostate                         192,280                             27,360

Skin (Nonmelanoma) >1,000,000                                >1,000

Thyroid                         37,200                                  1,630


In this chart lung pancreatic and prostate seem like the most deadly cancer.
BUT THERE IS ONE GLARING EXCEPTION. BRAIN cancer is rare it accts for 2.7% est. of all cancer.

the kind that I have accts for .0x% Of those 2.7% Anaplastic astrocytoma on the left frontL LOBE.
This makes me mad that I have to bring attn to it. I know we can bring this diseas attn. 3 pple in my family have had this particular disease. 1 died the other 2: 1 is in remission and the other is me and I am fighting like hell to stay alive.

fears

I am afraid of the inevitable. People are going to stop praying for me. People are going to stop caring if they haven't already.
I just passed the golden "everyone rallies around me" phase
the letters have stopped coming
I just hope against hope that people don't forget about me and what I am going through. Its like when you die there is a mourning period but eventually everyone moves on.
Its not that I want to disrupt your life but I need people to pray for me bc I feel it. I don't need phony friends. People that say "i will pray for you" and never give it another thought.
I don't want Mike to leave me because I am sick. I know he would not do that anyway.

I just want to remind you with this blog no matter how shitty your life is, it could always be worse, mine could be worse. Yours could be worse.

To everyone out there thank whatever being you believe in that you have it so well. Be it love, family, strength, use of your limbs, use of your mind, remember it could always be much much worse.

Thank you God for letting me only have grade 3 cancer and not some thing worse. now you think of the worst thing that is happening to you right now and thank that higher being for it not being worse so much worse.

Like being trapped in my own body a prisoner forever, being mute, not being able to communicate.

control

with cancer so Little is in your control. I HATE that!!!!!!!!!
I just want control of my life back!!!
I want to understand and be able to comprehend stuff like I used to.
when I was in control my acct went negative. I need someone to take this control but I am reluctant to give it up.

We are managing it. He is making sure that we are in a good financial place.
No one is the bad guy here. Unless it is me. So even when I am "losing control" in my logical mind I know it is a good thing.

I have thought this through and revised it so it is not a legal matter.

Let me sum it up by listing the things that are withing my control.

so many things that this money matter seems minor.

But seriously now

medical marijuana: For IT? AGAINST IT?
I was against it, until I got cancer. Now I am sorry I live in texas. This overly right winged state sux. You can tell rick perry I said that.
Yes you would have people who would abuse it. But you get that with anything. Dept of aging and disability is there to help and yet you have people taking advantage of it.
Legalizing medical Marijuana would benefit many and some would take advantage. Let me pose it to you in this form; Are you willing to let many suffer to keep it out of the hands of the few who would take advantage?
It being Illegal says yes, yes we are willing to let many suffer, and we don't care. But lete me tell you, it is out there and I just don't know the people to go to to get it. But I would smoke it! If it would stop this pain. hell yes I would pay for it, hide it, and bring it out once in a while smoke some and then put it up.

It is better then morphine because you don't get a headache the next day.
I would not abuse it. But what do I know I am just one person.

eating at 610

So we went to Left 610 tnt. We met Tre Wilcox. he is the executive chef there. Yay!!! Made my night, then I got really tired.
He is a big supporter of cancer groups. We both have live strong bracelets.

Most updated calendar

Calendar's location is here

http://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=l1fpamh2dn7mfb35900euv0ric%40group.calendar.google.com&ctz=America/Chicago

decision

I don't want to die. The tumor doesn't want to die.

But I have a weapon that she doesn't .... radiation.

So I am at home all day watching recorded shows, And Salon Takeover, Tabatha Is an inspiration because she takes shit from no one, period.

The only reason I keep pluging along is that friends tell me I am strong and I can do it. Then there is candy and movies and the dogs.
things I have to live for: My husband Mike, sasha and Indy, family and friends, candy, Twilight series, Harry potter series, (not kidding it actually keeps me going) whatever works right?
This sux because I cannot have alcohol ever again. I have to be a teetotaler for the rest of life. seizure meds and alcohol cause seizures. I don't want to have a seizure again it hurts, I mean really really hurts. I just want to to be out of physical pain I want it to be at a 0 but that would mean I am dead right? It is not that bad I am in constantly in a level 2-3 pain. That is normal for me. so when someone asks me how much pain I am in, I say none bc a lvl 2-3 is NORMAL.

I don't cry in front of people. Just in front of my family.

Midday tv is ridiculous dumbth, stupid, and absolutely well mind numbing. This thing I do right now is the same thing I saw clients doing. Dept of Aging and Disability services they don't understand they comprehend and do their best but there are so many people taking advantage of the system they cannot screen them because The people who really want in will get in regardless.

inspiration

deep question deep answer
Who is your inspiration and why?
If you could meet one person in the world who would it be?
what would you say?

letter from "shameful"

The "I just told off" was a bit of a stretch. Basically I wanted her to acknowledge how she hurt me.

I am dying. I have an anaplastic astrocytoma stage 3 brain cancer. I know you may not remember but I have long memories and it is hard for me to forget how you were to me in high school. I want to forgive you BUT you NEED to know that you made my life hell in high school.

Again I want to forgive you.
I had an awake craniotomy, That was a cakewalk compared to telling you what you did to me hurt me deeper than anyone ever could. I feel that probably alot of people were hurt by kaysie smith 18 years old.
I know its been 11 years I should get over it and this is the first step. If I can forgive you I can forgive anyone.
I could run and I didn't hide that is the exact opposite of what you wrote outside the girls dorm in chalk on the ground for ALL to see.

Andrea J garramone

not not not gonna die

I am not gonna die. I physically feel the cancer eating me alive. It feels...weird Like well I cannot describe it. doesn't hurt though.

Umm what else Indy is amusing sasha doesn't have a tail so once in a while Indy will get scared of hers. She wil nip at it like she is saying "you little shit stop following me!!!"

did hear about the guy who got arrested at the zoo for feeding pigions?
No, what's wrong with feeding pigeons?
He fed them to lions.

Hickory dickory dock the mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
the rest escaped with minor injuries

Could you sell me a shark?
No why?
Well my cat keeps trying to eat my goldfish and I want to teach him a lesson

do you have any kittens going cheap?
nope all our kittens go "meow"

If baby pigs are called piglets why arent Baby bull called bullets and baby chicken called chicklets

2 hens were pecking at the ground when a softball came sailing over the fence one hen looked at other and said "will you look at the ones they are turning out next door"

and best for last:

why did the chicken cross the road?
to show the opossum it could be done.

A farmer couldn't tell his horses apart, so he shaved the mane of one.. it grew back so he cut the tail of the other ... it grew back. so he asked his friend and the friend said to measure them. the next time they saw each other the farmer said, you are a genius!! The white one is 2 inches taller than the black one...

badumbum ching
I brought jokes..they may not be good but I brought em.

shameful

I just told off a girl who made my life hell in high school. I need to forgive her for what she did to me. How she treated me. I need to forgive and forget. I need to I must I have to I need to go to my grave knowing that I have no burdens on my conscience.

I am just clearing my conscience before I die. WHEN I don't die my life will be much cleaner and more clear.

Sitting here on the couch with Mike watching Sasha and Indy play. dogs are good when you are lonely and depressed. Admitting lonely and depressed is a big big thing.

Dave Matthews Band and radiation

So I just sent an email to the .... well someone I think can get In touch with Dmb. I requested well.. More Like begged to meet them.
The woman must have thought
a) I was some deranged fan making a big fat lie up to meet them
B)I was a genuine fan but was stretching the truth
C)she Beleived me

I cried a little and lost my words totally. I think I said my usaual good bye "I'm gonna say bye now."
She thought I was an idiot. on crack.

i have been a 16 year fan of Dave matthews band and I will meet their late sax player leroy moore in heaven.... whenever I get there.

I'm terminal but it is exhausting going through the treatments to extend my life or make me be cancer free.

Radiation was fun last night. They ignored my swollen hand guess it has to blow up like a balloon with fingers for them to notice. Ignored My ankle again the previous statement of balloon but with toes.
I am watching and feeling these things happen to me I am telling doctors but they are ignoring me I don't think there is just "nothing they can do" I think they genuinely don't see anything wrong. I hope they notice before its too late.
I feel like I am in the middle of the road and see a mac truck coming at me and my feet won't move.

Guess that says it all. I will let you know how the meeting DMB thing plays out.

troubles

Umm where to start. Oliver Say I MAY have blood clot in my arm. I am disoriented and to top it all off I have watching tabithas salon takeover all day. I hate being stuck at home. I have bruising and swelling on my right foot. My left hand is swollen and blue they all say that is just weird.

Theresa gave me a glove to bring down the swelling and told me to show Oliver. Oliver saw it and suggested when I go to radiation I tell them what is going on and if it still bothering you go to the ER. circulation is key

spikes and radiation?

so I haven't been on here in a while. So here is the deal I went to my first radiation treatment yesterday. It didn't hurt matter of fact I didn't feel anything except a slight warming of my head and smell clorox.


Now on to the BIG news!!! If you have gone to my fb page you already know. I am making my cancer into a fashion statement, not exactly sure what I am saying with this. But I think I am looking like a person you woudl not want to run into in a dark alley. Especially when I put my spikes on. MIke was HORRIFIED HORRIFIED when he saw it But I explained that I would never have a chance like this again, and he is okay with it.

ON to the not so good news my foot has been cramping up in my sleep last night it woke me up. And something that is new is my left hand is swollen and hurts. I am barely using it right now.

Cherio Peeps!!!! Slogan of the day: Eagles may fly but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

Actually that is my motto today

who thinks I should keep the hair short?

Mike is yes
I am yes
Laura C Yes
veena yes
leslie yes
paul yes
matter of fact everyone I know has liked it so much they want me to keep it.
Just to be clear I am going to keep it short no matter what anyone says.
I just want to know who votes for it.

clif notes version

wher do i start
sept got married in hawaii on the 8
oct: found out i had a brain tumor
went to dr barnett and he did a biopsy
Originally he said there was no rush to treat and sent me on way to dr dr fink
well I sought a second opinion with dr x. at UAB.
AT that pt it was a month later I went to see dr lang
MD anderson savedmy life.
awake carniotomy
6 hr surgery
7 days in the hospital aft the surgery 11/24
vast improvements in speech and walking in that short amt of time and they sent me home
went home and his parent wer there for week and half applause to them for sticking it out so long
then christmas
new years
and now
for the stuff that happened in between this is the place to be.

shawny's adventures continue...

I have alot of competition in this house there are two live dogs (I have seen them rip apart things made of sturdier stuff then I). I am scared of sasha & Indy scared of them knocking mom over scared of them getting me. My ultimate fear is they knock mom over and steal me from her. My other worst fear is that they get out of their cages (mom and dad call them kennels) and get me I don't want to be torn up that would be painful, that and I would die. so I guess i am saying i am scared of death.

mom and the dogs took a nap for about 2 hours (I watched). She had a dream that mike got a job on sarah's farm. He is scared of horses. so that doesn't make sense. Does it? she misses work. Longs to go out and longs for the days when she wasn't sick. But this is the hand she has been dealt and she is gonna play it until the death. Not her death not its' death just until one of them gives up and she has told me it is not gonna be her I beleive her.

the adventures of shawny the snow dog

like the greek god i sprung from my maker fully grown..well not exactly sprung. More like needles and thread and fabrics and assembly line..... Eh that is enough of that. Then I was put on a store shelf and one day some lady named.... Matter of fact I don't know her name and I don't know if it was a lady. (they all look the same to me). I was put in a package and taken (home) then they didn't unwrap me. Then I was given to a man and taken somewhere else (lucky I don't need to breath cause at this point I had been inside of plastic for a LONG time. Anyway I was taken up and given to my current owner, Andrea & michael. Andrea is fiercly protective of me and takes me everywhere she goes.

To that point... we had an interesting night last night. AT 11 pm she woke up gasping for breath (I would have done something but look at me I am a talking stuffed dog). Anyway it passed and she called a doctor and told him about her rash on her arms and legs and face, and of course she told him about the chest issues. Asked him if she needed to go to the ER. The doctor said watch her for 15 minutes and if it gets worse go. well he watched her and it got worse and all of a sudden I was snatched up and taken for a ride. (i am not saying I am special because a brown fuzzy blanket got to come too). Anyway she did not let me go until she got settled in the bed. the doc took 4 hours during which she woke up gasping 3 times. Surprise!!! you have bronchitis andrea!!!! What are you gonna do now? Go to disney world.

This is what I haven't mentioned mommy has cancer in her head. Her immune system is compromised. After this It will be something else because she starts radiation therapy on monday.

Oh well I will always be there to bring her comfort.

Shawny the snow dog
signing off

Andrea's Therapy Schedule

I created a calendar where I'll publish Andrea's treatment appointments. We have all but the Wednesday dates filled (the 13th and the 20th) to drop off Andrea at UT Southwestern. If you can volunteer on those dates, please send us an email.

Thank you to those who volunteered.

http://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=l1fpamh2dn7mfb35900euv0ric%40group.calendar.google.com&ctz=America/Chicago

how you can help

Hi everyone,

I know I’ve been requesting a lot of help lately. I want to thank those who have been able to help out in the past.

Andrea begins radiation therapy on Monday, January the 11th. Through some snafu in the scheduling, the therapy will be performed from 6 pm to 7 pm (6:15 pm to 7:15 pm on Monday, January 11th) on the weekdays for the initial first two weeks. Then on the 22nd, the therapy is scheduled to be performed from 7 am to 8 am as originally expected.

The unfortunate thing about the snafu is that I have to work until 6 pm during the weekdays. So I basically need someone who can, at least, pick Andrea up from our home and drop her off at UT-Southwestern Moncrief Radiation Oncology Center. I can pick her up after her therapy.

The schedule of days is listed below. If you can help by dropping her off on one or more of these days, please reply.

• Monday, January 11 at 6:15 pm.
• Tuesday, January 12 at 6:00 pm.
• Wednesday, January 13 at 6:00 pm.
• Thursday, January 14 at 6:00 pm.
• Friday, January 15 at 6:00 pm.
• Monday, January 18 at 6:00 pm.
• Tuesday, January 19 at 6:00 pm.
• Wednesday, January 20 at 6:00 pm.
• Thursday, January 21 at 6:00 pm.


There is a map as well and i am not going to give that out over the internet but I want this to go as far as possible

dry run

So we went to Dr. nedzi"s office today for a dry run. All they did was put me in themachine and take xrays. Then we hit a hitch They did not have a 700 am appt the time they said we could have. So i called My aunt (because I don't want recycle people) instead of calling his or my parents.

my sister was here yesterday and she drove me around it was good to get out of the house. She took me to therapy and when she came to pick me up she left sasha and indy out, in that short amt of time they ate chocolate cherries and chewed my glasses and got on the couch ate a piece of paper the only thing I could find was a wee scrap of red. It was a good time, for them.

I hauled them up and threw them into their kennels. But the kicker was this: before I was even in the house amy had driven out of the driveway. She didn't walk them but she made us dinner That makes up for it.

um thats it gdnt and gdluck.

fatigue

Hi, this is Darrell's wife, Pat. The condition you are describing is formally called "Fatigue". It is a very common side effect of chemo and of radiation (and of parents visiting). Fatigue can be absolutely debilitating and there are currently very few treatments for it. Your oncologist or neurologist, or other doctor-person needs to know that you are experiencing severe fatigue. Emotional stress exacerbates fatigue, and may turn it into depression.
Be gentle with yourself, be patient. You need to spend your time resting.

Hi, this is Darrell. Pat and I have dealt with this sort of thing before. Well, not exactly what you're going through, but we saw Pat's sister go through a lot of what you're going through when she had cancer. Pain, chemo, radiation giving her a wicked internal sunburn to the hoo-hoo (luckily you'll get to skip that part), people talking about her as if she wasn't there in the room, more pain... People can be so stupid when it comes to being with loved ones who are sick. They mean well, but they freak out easy and lose what little intelligent part of their brain they may have had at one time.
Pat's right, you need to be patient with yourself. Be yourself. Be a fighter. Give your doctors a hard time. If they think everything is perfect, they won't do anything that helps.

As far as we're concerned, you're doing just fine, typos and misunderstandings included. Rest up and continue to get better-ish.

The McC's.

proud mary

okay alot of people are FREAKING out over what I said earlier in the thanx blog. Let me clarify I will die in the apocolyps 12/21/2012 sooner than i am going to let this fucker take me out. As for being tired? I am tired all the time. the problem is the doc scooped out the portion of my brain that controls word choice so I generally mean something else when I speak that goes for typing too. So to the point EVRYONE CALM DOWN!!! I am not leaving tonight or by choice he is going to have to take me kicking and screaming. Ms Cyrus good point.

thanx

To all of you that are helping out, we want to thank you. To those of you that cannot help physically but are sending good thoughts and prayers my way thank you too.
Radiation starts on the 11th of this month 01/11/10 I think that is lucky just type it and you will see what I mean.
I feel I will be unable to update my status so check the blog periodically for mike updates. If I don't get a chance to say it you have all been wonderful!!!! This is not a give up omission of faith believe me I want to live I just think I might have fulfilled my purpose I am tired all the time. and the words are becoming harder to find instead of easier. I AM NOT GIVING UP I just won't be on the computer as much.
AJG

thank you jessica

written by Jessica Rogers Kirksey

"LIFE" Please read!
Share

I had a very humbling experience today. No lie, this really happened I called my mother crying after this experience. I had a new client consultation this morning here in Richardson. Obviously, I do not know anything about new clients prior to meeting them, so every time you get something very different! Which is the most obvious reason that I love what I do for a living, not only do I get to care for animals and help to improve their quality of “Life”, but I also get to interact with incredible, amazing and unique people and help to make their “Life” a bit easier! I drove up to the house, which I arrived to 15 minutes early because I have an issue with tardiness! I gathered myself, gathered my books and walked up an average walkway to an average townhome. I rang the door bell and heard the familiar greet of dogs barking, as I normally do at any visit. A very well groomed, small statured man in his mid 30’s came to the door. I introduced myself as I always do with a hand shake and quickly kneeled down to address the two cute dogs that were desperately trying to get my attention. Thereafter we sat at his dining room table to go over questions he had for me, paperwork and typical consultation information.

Ten minutes had gone by while we were talking and a very small, glowing, feeble woman walked in and said, “you must be Jess, I am so glad we found you”. I stood up, shook her hand and pulled the extra dining room chair out for her. She sat with us and her husband just began to look like his skin had been replaced with defeat, stricken with sadness and an overwhelming sense of despair filled the room. What I have not told you is that this little woman, his wife, was missing all of her hair, she had 3 very large surgical scars on her bare head. Atrophy was apparent and she was very pale. Finally, she spoke and said, “I’m SICK. That is why we need you to come everyday and walk the dogs, so that we do not have to find them a new home. My husband loves our dogs very much as do I, so I want the dogs to be here for him when I am gone.” She told me this with a calm, sweet smile on her face. I could not hold back my tears on this one and I am a pretty stellar about not expressing much emotion! She asked me not to cry and if this would be a situation that I would be willing to help with. Of course I agreed! This 28 year old woman who is literally dying and has been given a time stamp selflessly is looking out for her beloved husband and dogs!

I endured a lot in 2009 like almost loosing my pregnant sister and nephew in a horrible car wreck and sitting in the hospital everyday for over 8 weeks while she fought to save Baby Jack’s life (most of the time alone)! Times of loneliness, grief and stress. Pain and sorrow caused by all of the ridiculous drama that others had caused in my life. But, IN NO WAY IS MY LIFE THAT BAD IN ANYWAY, SHAPE, FORM OR FASHION!!!!!!

So, now I sit here thinking the following:

Why the world is constantly lacking morals, hate filled and ruthless. It’s like I constantly say, “ I never watch or read the news for it instills fear in people’s minds by painting a picture.” You always here of this horrible storm that will hit or how the economy is in horrible despair, but the world never ends. The days still follow the nights and you continue forward. For some reason, we are continued to be blessed with “LIFE” everyday!!!! Does the chaos in this world stem from lack of faith in a higher power? For instance, I chose God. Your higher power is for you to chose and for me not to judge! Or could it be the lack of family bonds and positive influence in one’s life? I am not sure, but I have a theory.

I feel as if people in today’s world lack role models and positive leaders! The adults, or should I say elders in today’s world are the problem! No, I am not saying everyone, but I am saying the general population. It is not the children or the teens, it is the decisions, behaviors and actions by adults (my generation and older) that is broadcasted across this country on every computer, on every billboard and on every magazine! Our idolized athletes are using performance enhancing drugs and the leaders of our country are involved in sex scandals, racial indifferences, and have huge dollar signs beaming from their eyes. Look around you, you see it everywhere. Churches and schools across the United States are having to change curriculum to adjust to this turmoil that our country is dealing with. How does it make you feel that your 6 year old starts their first day of kindergarten and the first thing they go over is not the ABC’s or 123’s they in detail go over “what to do if a bad man comes into your class”. Yes it is important for all children to know this, but it is dismal and dubious and we never should have let things get to this point!

It’s time for me to take a look at this and start making a difference! I am apart of the problem as well! 2010 needs to be about improving quality of “LIFE”! It needs to be about helping others, being selfless and yet taking care of yourself and your FAMILY!!! Find those people I have hurt along the way and make amends for my faults! Find your higher power! IF YOU WERE TO DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY? Now, go do it!
-Jess

dog walker

today was the first day of the dogsitter. That and the first day of the rest of my life. She called me her hero hero, me? I am nobodys hero. Then she said something that struck a chord with me she said we are all here for a purpose and my purpose is to inspire people. She revealed to me that she wrote a story after meeting us and she urged me to go on to face book to read it unfortunately she is not my friend so I cannot go to her site. I sent her an invite though.

still depressed though.

falalalala...yeah holidays are over now SHUT IT!!!

I have not been on this in a while. while different people tell me things I begin to see there is one blaring omission, the acceptance of death. You are going to DIE yes you there sitting on the couch eating bon bons or you sitting behind your desk at work (probably be a heart attack for you) and yes even you little dog. But let me ask you this, Do you regret before you were born? If you do well sux for you padre. I see no reason to regret our inevitable inescapable demise than I se to regret before we were in existence.

people say I'm depressed? what? well yea just a bit. The only person I see on a regular day is michael. if it is a special day I will get to see theresa and david and oliver. If it is EXTRA special I will get to see a doctor. OOOOHHH, yea !!!!